Thursday, May 17, 2012

Nude Pumps + Determination

We stood in the center of a Target shoe aisle with boxes upon boxes strewn across the fuzzy brown carpet. I opened and closed a few more boxes, and looked at my mom who shrugged her shoulders and moved onto the next aisle. I anxiously shuffled my feet and gave those stacked shelves a good long stare (as if the shoes I was looking for would magically appear) before following after her.
After cleaning up those boxes, of course.

I was on a search, and it wasn't going to hot if you know what I mean.You see, it all started when I incidentally spotted the mother of all shoes. The perfect pair. The shoes that you admire online and when you see them in real life, it all goes in slow motion and you think, "Wow, these actually exist?"

A little dramatic, but girls, you get my point. Simple and plain, but something that could go with anything - nude pumps.

The problem? Everybody else in Virginia seemed to have suffered the same "wow" affect because my size wasn't there. All that was left were size 11's and heels with snake-skin design. Attractive, right?
First World problem, I know.

Now, before you get all "you're blogging!" on me, let me assure you that I am absolutely not that obnoxious and have a point to this post. Chillax people.

While my mom was looking at some stuff in the neighboring aisle, I decided to go back and look again for those shoes. Because honestly...they were really really cute shoes and I was determined to find them. Thank goodness nobody else was in the aisle with me because I literally took apart in that shoe's vicinity. And I kid you not, the last box on the shelf (a snake-skin design shoe box no less) contained those nude pumps in my exact size. Total win win.

And now the moral to this story:

My search for those shoes (which I did end up buying by the way...) got me thinking about perseverance amongst our daily struggles. Or pushing through to achieve our dreams. While shoes are not important in the scheme of things, my determination in that Target aisle showed me something about life. If I hadn't gone back and taken apart that shelf to find what I wanted, I would have never found those shoes. I would have simply stood in the neighboring aisle with my mom while those hiding shoes laid undiscovered in that snake-skinned shoe box - all because I hadn't pushed through. With shoes the example sounds pretty silly, but what if I were talking about a dream, a relationship, or an opportunity that was just waiting for you to push through with? Like those shoes in the wrong box, what we want isn't always so obvious or easy to find. Sometimes blessings in disguise are cloaked in the most unthinkable circumstances. Not everything is as it seems, and sometimes you gotta dive in and get dirty to achieve what you want.

People pray for God to "help them" with so many things, yet they don't make any move to become what they prayed for. God will absolutely help you in whatever you ask of Him, but you have to make the first move. God isn't going to make you love your family or stop sinning if you yourself aren't moving towards change. You have to actively start making loving choices for God to help you with it. You have to actively stop doing whatever you're doing for God to help you overcome it. If you're not working for what you prayed for, it's not going to happen.

Determination and perseverance are two qualities that I believe our generation is starting to lack. It seems like we all want the good life to be handed to us on a silver platter with tea and cookies, but that's simply not the way it works. If you have a dream, chase after it. If you want a close relationship with God, than seek after Him. If you want a better job, work your butt off at the one you have now so you can be ready for that better one.

And if you want a perfect pair of nude pumps, then by golly you get out there and find them.

Thursday, May 3, 2012


For the past few weeks, I've opened up a "new post" page numerous times only to close it minutes later. I can't stand staring at a blank white screen trying to wait for something to hit me in the face. Something powerful; inspiring. I just guess it's hard to write when you don't have much to say.

Or maybe I simply have so much to say that I can't put it into words. These past couple of months I've experienced a major jolt spiritually, and while this jolt is leading me in the right direction, it hasn't been easy. No m'am. God isn't who I thought He was. He isn't what I wanted Him to be; He is who He is and He isn't going to change. It's me who needed to change. To wake up and stop making my relationship with God about me - because that's exactly what I was doing. I was focusing more on the gain than the giving.

When this "jolt" began, I dug in my heels and called it quits. All that "You lead, I'll follow" stuff? Yeah, I pretty much threw that out the window. I honestly thought God went bonkers. "You want me to go where and do what?! Well, that's real dandy...but that isn't what I had in mind. So, if You'd simply turn around and take another route, I'd be much obliged."

Mhhm. It wasn't pretty.

Long story short, I finally waved that white flag of defeat and headed into that unknown place. It's been amazing and incredibly hard - a daily battle between my wants and where God's pointing. There are days when I just want to melt away because it all seems so crazy. So so crazy. Something doesn't make sense and another fight begins. A frail prayer uttered and a blessing in disguise suddenly appears. Late night talks with friends. Texts with Bible verses. The list goes on and on.

I don't want to live that comfortable life anymore. I want to run into this life full force and find meaning in all of this. Sure, I'm going to stumble and fall sometimes, but what if I stumble upon something incredible? If I simply sit on my couch of comfort, I'll never find out.

I'm not here to impress, because I care more about the One whose watching me than what others might think. Yeah, I'm different. I'm different because I'm choosing to live each day to the fullest for God instead of wasting away my college years to be cool. Hate to break it to you, but cool isn't going to get you what you want. College can either make or break you, and in the next four years I want to walk away stronger. Better.

So to put it simply, I want to be fearless.
I don't want to run and hide when the road ahead looks like Death Valley.
I don't want to argue, or doubt, or complain, or let my emotions rule me.
I want to live boldly. Passionately. Making Him my first priority for everything.
This jolt will not stand in my way. I will let it make me, not break me.
I'm going to keep running full force.
I'm going to be fearless.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Everyday | Make It Count

I saw this video on facebook yesterday and it really inspired me. It's so easy to get caught up in a system or an everyday schedule, but what if we dared ourselves to explore, go on adventures, or simply step out of our comfort zones and do something crazy?

||Whatever your dreams are
 ||Whatever your adventure
 ||Wherever you go
 ||Whatever you do
Make It Count.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Friday, April 6, 2012

Good Friday | How Love Wins

Lord Jesus,

Today is the day we remember the sacrifice You made. You surrendered Your holy body so that the sinners who placed You upon that cross could be saved. In all You did, You gave up Yourself freely so that we may be given the gift of grace through Your blood. Everything that was done to You is what we deserve, but You loved us with such an unconditional, pure love that You died in our place so we could know You, love You, and live for You. You gave it all, Lord. There is no excuse of why I should not do the same for You. You took the scourging, the crown of thorns, the beatings, the pain....
You took them all without a word escaping from Your lips. You took it all for me.
While Your hands and feet were being nailed into the cross, You remembered me.
God, Your love has no limits. I will never know how much it cost to see my sins upon that cross.
Let me never forget all that You did for me and are continuing to do for me.
All I can say is thank you.

This is how love wins
every single time
climbing high upon a tree for someone else to die
this is how love heals
the deepest part of you
letting Himself bleed into the middle of your wounds
this is what love says
standing at the door
you don't have to be who you've been before
silenced by His voice
death can't speak again
this is how love wins.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Me, Myself, and Monday | College

As most of you all know, I have been taking online college classes this entire school year (which ends in 3 weeks!!) and will be heading off to college this upcoming fall. To say that I am excited would be a HUGE understatement. This college search adventure has had so many ups and downs and loop-ti-loops but I'm so thankful for every second of it because this process has really grown me as a person. My faith and trust in God has skyrocketed these past few months and I can honestly say that I am truly happy with my life. Five months ago? You may have gotten a different answer. Just shows how much God can work out in five months.

I honestly can't believe it is April. Like, hello?? Where did the past eight months of my life go? Fall semester feels like it happened 10 months ago. Crazy crazy crazzzaaayyy. This school year seems like it lasted a long time, but went by really quickly. I realize that makes absolutely no sense...
Moving on.

April is an extremely busy month for me. Really busy. Not only is this my last month of school before summer break (can I get an AMEN), but this is also the month I have to make my final decision on the school I will be living/studying at for the next four years. Normally, I would be freaking out at this point. Full out - FREAKING OUT. Big decisions do not go well with me, and considering that this is the MOST important decision I will have to make so far, I'm sure you can understand the level of stress that could be bursting through the charts at this point.

While I absolutely could be freaking out right now, I am absolutely not doing so. I have so much peace right now; I can't even tell you how awesome it feels to say that. I am not worried, or stressed about any of this because I know that God has it and everything will work out just the way it is supposed to. God has just been working so much and I'm so thankful. SO thankful.

Getting accepted into a college that I forgot I applied to and getting a totally unexpected scholarship.
Being denied by a school that I was positive I would get into.
Not hearing back from a college because they lost my paper work.
Going to a freshman admitted day.
Praising Jesus through all of it.

When I got rejected from that one school, I was really okay about it. I read the letter, and just thanked God for closing the door.

People probably think I'm weird, and I am a-okay with that. I am so happy. Like, running around in a field laughing my head off type of happy. I mean, I'm grinning writing this whole post for goodness sake! God is my heartbeat and I have been so overwhelmed for His love for me. My heart breaks for so many teens out there who have been hurt or judged. I just want to give them all great big hugs and remind them that God hasn't left them. I have been praying so much more lately and it has been amazing. Prayer is so beautiful and so meaningful. It simply amazes me that God knows me and knows the thoughts I think and the words I speak before I even say them. That He listens and answers.

I hope you all are having a fantastic start to your week and that you guys are continually seeking God every day! xox
Keep strong.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Confession | The Hunger Games

**This post is not to bash anyone who watched the movie or read the books; I am simply sharing my thoughts.**

It was during my Christmas break. I was tired, sick, and not looking forward to my next spring semester. I wanted a distraction from my boredom, so when I saw the trailer for a new movie called 'The Hunger Games' in early December, I wanted to find out what all the hype was about. I remember thinking, "Hunger Games? What the heck is the Hunger Games?" I looked it up, ordered the first book, and finished the entire series in less than 48 hours. I was hooked, but not for the reason I had thought.

For those of you who have no idea what the Hunger Games is, it is a futuristic book written by Suzanne Collins about 24 kids ages 12-18 being forced to fight to the death in an annual televised event called 'The Hunger Games'. Post-apocoliptic gladiator scenario. 

I found the books to be horrifying, but for some reason I was attracted to it. I was caught in the hype...and even though I felt this uneasy tug each time I read it, I kept reading. I was so engrossed in the story that I didn't want to think about if this story was okay. I wasn't obsessed with the books but when I heard the movie was coming out this month, it was never a question of whether or not I was going to see it.

Last night my dad and I saw 'The Hunger Games' in IMAX, and let me be completely honest when I say that I felt like puking throughout the entire film (having nothing to do with the blurry and shaky cinematography). Let me just clarify: I love movies. I mean, looooooveee movies. I am not a sissy movie watcher. I can take intense and sad.

This movie left me feeling like I couldn't function properly after it was over. Watching something I have read - with all of it being shown right in front of my face made me realize where I went wrong. It brought me to my core, and made me give a good reality check of myself. "What was I thinking?" I felt messed up after watching the movie. I knew the story plot - I knew how the movie was going to end. I knew it was sick, but I wanted to see it anyway. When I cried in the movie, I wasn't crying for the characters. I was crying for myself...and for the rest of us messed up people who payed to go see kids kill each other. You know there is something wrong with a movie when a teenage guy sitting behind me lets out a strangled, guttural sound and starts sobbing when a little girl got killed. There is something wrong with a movie that ignites people in the audience to cheer and clap when one of the "bad kids" die in the arena (this didn't happen at my theatre...but many others). I walked out of that theater totally NOT comprehending how people could mentally go see it a second, third, or more times. You couldn't pay me enough to go see it again.  I'm not pointing fingers at those who have seen the movie multiple times, and I respect your decision. Hey, it's your life. I just don't understand the why.

It is SO disturbing. I have no excuse for myself of why I went or read the books. There was no thought involved because all I wanted to see was a good movie, not ponder on whether or not it was a good story. Watching that movie, I wanted to scream at myself. It finally clicked that this movie went against all of my values as a Christian and simply as a person. Half-way through the movie all I was thinking was, "What the heck is wrong with America? This movie is ranked number one in the world?" A movie that 100% devalues life. A story that causes people to loose themselves in a sickening hype. No thought; just enjoying entertainment.

If people will pay money to go see a movie about kids being forced to murder each other on reality TV, I do not doubt for a moment that people would go pay to have kids forced to murder each other in a sort of Hunger Games in the future. Call me crazy, but I back it up all the way.

I was so wrong to read those books, and I'm sorry that I allowed myself to do it. To say it simply, I will never be reading those books again and I will not be promoting the other two movies when they come out.

If I in any way encouraged anyone to read the books or go see the movie, I truly am sorry. In my denial, I may have stumbled others and that is something I am not okay with.

I am not depressed after watching that movie, just sad for my generation. God really worked in my heart last night, and I am so thankful for that. I hope that this post helped others see the 'Hunger Games' in a new light - something that was much needed for me.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
Keep strong.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Coming Back Soon...

Hey y'all - I'm sure those of you who read this blog have noticed I have not been blogging for a little while. Our internet has been down on and off for the past two weeks, so my focus was solely on school work recently. The internet seems to be working right now, so hopefully y'all will see a post up here sometime soon!

Hope your weekend is great!


Wednesday, February 29, 2012

We're all in this together.

I had shared this video a while back on my old blog, but came across it again this morning. I'm sure Hillsong United has made the entire film (since this is the teaser for it), but even if this was the entire film, it would be enough. The message really hits home.

Many times people watch these videos and desperately want to do something, but think they are unable to because they can't go on a missions trip,  can't give large amounts of money...etc. etc.

The first thing we as a Christian body can do is not be ignorant. To not ignore the problems around us. To not just sit by and watch as fellow human beings suffer. With all the material things that surround us each day, it's easy to get caught in the mundane. Don't get caught there.

Secondly, we should not be arrogant. We may live in America and have cool clothes, nice houses, good food, and all that, but none of it makes us superior to another person. We are not better. We are not more special.

Third, our hearts should hurt for those who are hurting. We as Christians should have compassion. It doesn't matter if the person lives next door or thousands of miles away - we should be there to show love and serve humbly as Jesus would.

Fourth, we must realize that we can't fix everything. There are too many problems in this world to try and make it your goal to fix every single one of them. We can't live our lives worrying over all the wrong in the world, but we should never turn a cold shoulder to any of it. God gave us our lives to live out and gave us all a purpose to be here. We should definitely help those who are hurting, but we shouldn't forget that we need to live our lives too. You should never feel like you cannot be happy because other people are suffering. That's not the way God wants you to live.

Lastly, we as Christians should be grateful. No matter what kind of day you are having or no matter what trials you are currently facing, you are blessed because you are alive. This life God has given us is a gift, and we should never complain about what He has put before us. Learning how to be thankful in any circumstance and being content with wherever you are "planted" is the single most important lesson you could learn.

Monday, February 27, 2012

inspire me.

Hey y'all, happy Monday!
I know that the first day of the week isn't a favorite among most people, so today I thought I'd share some quotes/posters/pictures that have inspired me. 

| Some day, I want this blown up on a wall - but for now it is on my desktop where I read it each week |

Saturday, February 25, 2012

I am free.

This past year I was really struggling with being happy. We had just moved to another state before my high school graduation, I didn't know anybody, I was starting online college, and... I still didn't know anybody. I am not a person who does well underneath stress, and there was a large amount of it going around this year. But I wasn't happy because I thought the grass could be greener. There had to be something better. If only this changed...or if only I had {whatever}....then I would be happy.

I just became even more unhappy. Looking back, I see how prideful I was, thinking that I deserved something more because I was someone "special." I wanted to be so much more, but I was the only one holding myself back from doing any of it. I felt that my situation/surroundings were my cage, and that my freedom was limited. It wasn't until recently that I realized it was in my own heart that I was restricted.

As the great St. Augustine once said, "You {freedom} were within me, and I was outside myself, and sought you outside myself!" This was me. I had all the freedom I could ever want inside of me, but I was looking for it elsewhere, because I misunderstood that freedom doesn't come in physical form, but inside your heart. As long as our sense of having greater or less freedom depends on outward circumstances, it means that we are not yet truly free.

I felt that my freedom was being restricted by my circumstances, by society, and by people and that the only way to be free was to get rid of those restrictions. Sure, there are some cases when it is necessary to rid yourself of some things in your life, but I didn't want any of it. I wasn't content with anything...including myself. I hated life because it wasn't going the way I wanted it to, and I was missing out on experiencing the freedom inside myself that I longed for! Being free means consenting to what we did not choose because one cannot become truly free unless one accepts not always being free.

Right now I am reading a fantastic book by Jacques Philippe called "Interior Freedom." Get it. Read it. It will change your life.

Here is a paragraph from the book on freedom:

"To achieve true interior freedom we must train ourselves to accept, peacefully and willingly, plenty of things that seem to contradict our freedom. This means consenting to our personal limitations, our weaknesses, our powerlessness, this or that situation that life imposes on us, and so on. We find it difficult to do this, because we feel a natural revulsion for situations we cannot control. But the fact is that the situations that really makes us grow are precisely those we do not control." 

If we keep looking for something better in life, we will never be satisfied with anything we have. We will never be truly happy. We will never be ready to take that first step toward change. We will never be able to love.

God is doing amazing things in my life. I am the happiest I have ever been. My situation is still the same, but am learning day-by-day that my happiness and freedom are not determined by the circumstances, but by how I deal with them.

No matter what happens, no matter what comes my way, no matter what people think.
I can have freedom.
It's simply up to me to open the cage.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Love Can't Be Broken

Ever since the beginning of mankind, humans have been trying to figure out an unfathomably crazy thing called love. Today, there have been more books written, movies made, and songs sung about love than any other topic out there. But even with all its publicity, love has not been understood. It has not been adequately defined, because unlike what we all think, love cannot be confined in the corners of our minds. Love cannot be described in mere words, nor can it be seen with action alone. Love is a simple complexity: so much more than what we imagine, yet not as hard to know as we may think.

Kisses on the forehead, whispered words, a needed hug...these things are not love,  but branches of the core. The trueness of love, real love, is not what can be seen with the eye, but with the depths of your soul. Love is a conviction - not convenient. Love is a completion - not a feeling.

I guess it's hard to say in words what you've been experiencing in your heart. Right now I've been taking it day-by-day... one step at a time.... because God's been teaching me that I need to start over. To let go of my old fears, my past failures, and my current insecurities and focus on becoming someone better. someone I want to be. the person God expects me to be.

Love has always existed, so it makes sense why people want to know everything about it. But what we want to know soon turns into what we want it to be, doesn't it? See, love isn't birthed from romance, money, or success - that's just what people want it to come from. Those things are what we can control, but love isn't confined to limits.

For so long I feared that love would fail me because trusting love meant that I had to hand over everything. I wasn't ready for that. I wanted to be, but I wasn't. I've started to realize that love doesn't change when I do - it just keeps on giving. I just have to make the decision to choose it.
Living for love meant that I had to get off of my couch of "I can'ts" and start turning them into "I will's." To actually start living and not just simply be alive.

Standing underneath God's chisel ain't a walk in the park, but being able to confess "I need you" is something I wish I did more often.

You cannot affect love by the things you do, but love can certainly affect what you do because...

Love cannot be broken, but you can be broken in the force of love.

I have been broken, but love has not failed me.
Starting over is not easy, but love is always worth the cost.

I wasn't ready before, but I am now.

|Happy Valentine's Day|

Sunday, February 5, 2012

everyone has a story.

Too many thoughts are flowing through my mind right now, and it is hard to process them all as I attempt to write this post. So many lessons, so many convictions, and so many observations - it's hard to organize it all onto a blank white page. A page that needs to be written. Not just for me, but for all of you as well.

Over the years, I've suffered through many make-n-break friendships. Frankly, more break than make. Life is hard enough when you're a young teenager looking for acceptance in this big, bad world, but always placing second hurts more than words can tell. My parents brought me up to know full well how to treat others, so in many ways it confused me that I'd be forgotten when I'd be willing to give an arm and a leg to that same person. Sure, I was a little naive, but what 13 year old isn't? It wasn't until a lot more breaks and a lot more talks with my parents that I realized what the real problem was. We honestly don't take the time to get to know other people before we cross them off the could-be-my-friend list. Ignorance towards a person's real self causes more problems than I could care to tell you. It.really.kills.

My insecurity as a teenager was enormous. It consumed me, and even to this day I have relapses. It's been hard, but through a lot of prayer and a new focus on life, the fear of what people think doesn't bother me anymore. I can't change the world, but I can change me.

The problem with today is that we don't take the time to get to know others before judging them. We only know what others tell us. Rumors. Gossip. Junk that stores up and shoots through so many hearts like a loaded pistol. Trash. absolute trash.

Guys, we have forgotten that everyone has a story. You, me, the person next door, the girl at youth group everybody talks about, that guy who stands alone in the corner, and the person who always smiles all have a story to tell. We all have a life we are living - each one trying to figure out where their place is in this world and what they can contribute to this life before they die. Everyone has fears. trials. heartache. dreams. every.single.person.

We all forget this. I forget this. And you know what's the worst thing about it? We walk past those who need us the most to make ourselves feel better. We judge to make us feel stronger. What.the.heck.are.we.doing. Ya'll, judging others does not define who they are, it defines who WE ARE. When we judge, there is no room for love. No room for truth. No room for thinking straight. Ignoring others to look cool IS NOT COOL. If the price of popularity is doing things to others you would never want done to you, then we should all want to be poor losers.

I don't ever want to give others what I suffered with for so many years. I don't ever want to be that girl.

I don't want to be a hypocrite. I don't want to judge others. Zounds, I have so many trees growing out of my own eye, I wouldn't be able to see let alone try and poke somebody else with my own problems. I don't want to be an insecurity giver. I want to be a love-spiller-over. I know that everyone is not going to be my friend, but I want to make it a goal to be a friend to all. Not in a friend seeker way, but in a friend giver way. I want to know people for who they are. I want to listen to the story they have to tell.
I want my actions to be my story. I want my actions to match up with my words.

I want people to want to know my story. get to see the real Lexi for who she is.
I'm not expecting great things from others, but I'm starting to expect more from myself because I know what God expects of me.

I may never be realized for all that I am during this lifetime, but for now, I've got my God-given story to tell and for as long as I have, I'm going to make sure I tell it right.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

steady my heart.

Today I purchased Kari Jobe's new CD "Where I Find You" and it is just SO amazing and filled with truth. There is this song titled 'Steady My Heart' that I just wanted to share with you all - simply because it speaks such volumes to my own heart.

| Steady My Heart |  {lyrics}

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart <3

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart 

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

choosing to trust.

Hey everyone!

Sorry the blog has been quiet for a little while. Last week my grandfather who has been fighting cancer for over 3 years passed away, so my family and I had to travel up North for the funeral. For those of you that knew about it, thank you for the prayers and encouragement.

This post won't be super long, because I've got my college work calling me, but I just wanted to quickly talk about something that has been on my heart recently.

Trust: noun > (1) Firm reliance on the integrity or ability of a person or thing. (2) Something committed into the care of another; charge. (3) The condition or obligation of having confidence placed in one. verb > (1) To rely or depend (on); have confidence in. (2) To hope. (3) To expect with assurance. (4) To believe. (5) To entrust.

As servants of God, we are constantly being told in scripture to trust Him. With all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Even though this sounds really great, we all fail at doing this one thing. Trusting.

Deep within my soul, I want to trust.
I want to give up fighting.
I want to surrender it all.
But everyday it's a choice.
| God | or | me |

We don't trust because we're scared of what He might do when we give Him control. The fear of our lives being radically turned upside down overwhelms us. Frankly speaking, we are a bunch of wimps. Ok, I AM A WIMP.
The truth is, trust IS scary. Trust is overwhelming. Trusting will hurt. Trusting will be hard.
Trust is not easy, but it is worth it.

it takes love.
it takes time.
daily battles.
it takes fight.
it takes your entire life. all of you.

This may sound rough, but trusting another person more than you trust God is like saying you think that person is better than God. It's perfectly fine to trust others - because you should. But your entire trust should be in God first before you begin giving your heart out to everyone around you. God knows you. People only know how much you tell them. God's love lasts forever. He won't hurt you like others will.

Trust in God should not be put on hold when your trust in another is broken.
It should get even stronger.  
Trust in God should not be put aside when a trial is put into your life.
It should be what gets you through it. 
Trust in God should not make your life perfect.
It should be what perfects you. 

-----> look back at that definition of the word TRUST. Now (honestly) ask yourself these q's:

To whom have I committed myself to?
Who or what am I relying on?
To whom does my confidence belong?
What is my hope placed in?
Who am I expecting to get me through each day?
Where is my assurance placed?
Who do I believe in?
Who do I entrust my entire heart to?

These questions tear me to pieces. but in a good way.
I want to change. Lord transform me from the inside out. Consume me. Change me.

Today - right now - I'm making the choice to trust. Who's with me?

Sunday, January 15, 2012

to the girls I know.

I was on facebook this afternoon and someone I know posted about an article titled "A Letter to the Girls I Know - by anonymous guy". I read the blog post and I have to be completely was the best thing I have read in a really long time. So please take the time to read this guy's letter - it could really change your outlook on how you act around your "guy friends"

A Letter to the Girls I Know:
Dear Girls, 
There are two kinds of men: Godly men, and worldly men. What kind of man do you want? I’m betting most of you said “a Godly man.” Someday, you want to marry a man who loves God with every fiber of his being because he will be an excellent husband and father. He will honor and be true only to you. Most women want a Godly man or at least think they do. Well, I think I have found a way to tell you exactly what kind of guy you will get. I don’t even have to know you! All I have to do is look at you. The kind of guy you want or will get is advertised by the clothing you wear. I know what men want. Trust me, I am a guy. I know more guys than you do and I know them better. I know what we think, what we talk about, what we want, and what we look for, and it is different for each one of us depending on our relationship with God. I’m sure you already know this, but men were created differently than you. We have different desires and priorities. Our eyes and minds react very differently to some things than yours do. It isn’t disgusting, perverted, or wrong; it is wonderful and good! It is how God made us. It’s how we handle these differences that separate a Godly man from a worldly man.
A worldly man doesn’t control himself, rather, he looks at anything that attracts his attention or gets him excited. A worldly guy has no problem when girls wear clothes that show off skin, like boxers, high or low-cut shirts, low-rise jeans, and “cute” little swim-suits. He’s a fan of tight-fitting shirts and pants that show off your form, he thinks they’re fine! Worldly guy watches a lot of TV and R-rated movies, isn’t really offended by sexual content or nudity and secretly dabbles in pornography. He’s a “Christian” and makes up a significant portion of your church and youth group. He’s a really nice guy and sees you mainly for your body. If you were to marry worldly guy, he’d bring lots of baggage into the relationship, have intimacy problems, entertain thoughts of other women, and possibly cheat on you.
A Godly man is in control of his drives and desires. He constantly seeks God and reads his Bible. He “walks in the Spirit” and isn’t set off by everything he sees. When immodestly-dressed girls, magazine covers, or risqué advertisements come into view, Godly guy quickly “bounces his eyes” away from the image. He’s constantly guarding his thoughts and what he allows into his mind. He hates being around girls that disrespect him and his struggles by wearing inappropriate attire. Godly guy doesn’t watch much TV and is selective about the movies he sees. He views you as a person, knows you and respects you. He has your best interests in mind and guards against inappropriate thoughts of you. If you were to marry Godly guy, he would give you the emotional attention you need, he would ignore other women and remain faithful to you no matter what.
Unfortunately, there are more worldly men than Godly men. And to make matters worse, to the untrained eye, a worldly man can look a lot like a Godly man. So what can you do to only attract a Godly man? An important way of delineating between them lies in how you dress. As mentioned before, the clothes you wear advertise what kind of guy you are looking for. If you dress immodestly, you will attract worldly guys and scare away the Godly ones. It all comes down to the kind of man you want to spend your time around and eventually marry. You cannot afford to be complacent in this area of your life! You will pay the price someday.
This issue isn’t limited strictly to you and your future relationship. The way you dress directly affects other men and women and their relationships. You don’t see the struggles, the pain, the tears and the sin that you cause, but I can promise that you would be shocked if you did! Ask any Christian young man; we’ve all seen it. It’s kept hidden but it is definitely there. By dressing immodestly, you effectually spit on the struggles of our weaker ranks, appearing to care more about toying with us than helping us. You’ll never know how many broken relationships and lifestyles of sin you’ve contributed to simply by the way you dress. You want to marry a Godly man someday, well so do many other women. Don’t just help yourself and your future, help all women and their relationships by showing discretion in your dress.
Of course, I understand the desire to look stylish, attractive, and “cute.” It’s important to fit in and get attention. Trust me, it can be done modestly! I also understand that it is easier for some girls to find stylish and well-fitting clothes than it is for others. This is an area where guys really don’t understand what you are up against. But just remember, for every sacrifice you make to honor God with your image, Godly men are making sacrifices in their lives that are just as hard, if not harder! They will and do respect you so much for choosing to be modest! A real lady is conscientious of the image she presents, and real men want a real lady. And you can forget about any guys missing out on how attractive you are because you don’t wear revealing clothing. You could wear a circus tent and we would still know; it’s a gift we have.
And so the question still remains: What kind of man do you want? Answer me with your clothes.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

I'm featured on Christ is Write!

Hey Everyone! Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend so far.

Just wanted to pass you onto the amazing Tessa Hall's blog "Christ Is Write" to read the post I wrote for her "What's God Doing in Your Life" segments.

please GO HERE to read it!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

What's Your Marshmallow?

This past weekend I got to spend some time with good friends in Baltimore while they were at the Radiate Conference. The night that I was there, I got to listen to some great worship and a speaker who shared some good points about the idols in your life.

Idols. You know, those lovely things you make more important than God. Those things that are holding you back from experiencing the life you were made to live. Those things that make your flesh crawl with "I WANT" cooties. Idols. Yuck.

We all have those certain things, or weaknesses you might say, that we have a really hard time of saying "no" to. Things that we've allowed to slither menacingly into our everyday lives and hold our conscious hostage. We know it's wrong. We know we shouldn't do it. In the back of our minds that "smart voice" is screaming, "Step away from the computer. T.V. food. friends. relationships. etc. etc. etc."

We have the capability to step away. Let it go. Do the right thing. Why don't we do it? Why do we have these idols that our lives are obsessed with to the point of enslavement? It's wrong. So wrong.

Our idols come in every shape and size. They don't have to be materialistic things, but in many ways, can appear in the form of emotion and desire. As girls, this really stinks. You know, since emotional is like our middle name. Times a million.

To be wanted. Noticed. Given attention. Praised. All of these things are idols that we often make priorities. We let our heart take control instead of stopping in our tracks and thinking ahead to the consequences that await us. Idols seem innocent, fun, and cool at first. So innocent in fact, that sometimes we immediately let down our "smart guard" and ignore the stop signs surrounding it. By the time we are completely hooked on this idol, that small voice in the back of our minds has disappeared because it has been droned out by our own lies. We tell ourselves that what we are doing is OK.  We make these idols respectable in our own eyes. The funny thing is, most idols have nothing good about them whatsoever...we just screw with our vision until we convince ourselves that they do.

Once we finally realize "um, this really isn't what I wanted and I really really want to get out", we're so trapped in the mess we have made that it's often a long, painful process to clean it up.

The speaker on Saturday night shared this video during the seminar. You may have seen it before, since it is absolutely hilarious, but as you watch it, look at it from different eyes. Like that marshmallow is your idol. That thing you want SO BAD. 

So, now I ask you - what is your marshmallow? What is that thing you find yourself running to to fill you up instead of running to Jesus? What is it that is holding you hostage? Or what is the marshmallow you are staring at from a distance. touching. licking. tasting. but not fully eating yet?

Like with the lady in the video who promised another marshmallow if the kids waited, God has something so much better for you than what the idols in your life have to offer. We're so impatient and our flesh is so weak. Our idols know this. They always seem to come out just at the "wrong" time - when we're really tired of waiting and really want some satisfaction right now. Those idols suddenly appear saying "Come on...I've got it all for you. Don't wait. Enjoy now."

The question is, are we going to give in or are we going to remember the promise of something better?

An idols main purpose is to take your focus off of God and allow you to become the source of your own destruction.

Idols want you to fall. Don't give them the opportunity.