Wednesday, November 30, 2011

star gazing.

Watching the stars is something I love doing, but something I wish I did more often. There is something so humbling and peaceful about looking up into the vast sky and being overwhelmed by the magnificence of it all. Our days are filled with so much stress and many times we forget to stop and take a look at the beauty all around us.

I just went outside to walk my dog before heading into bed and took a moment to gaze up at the night sky - just one moment. Tonight there was not a cloud in sight, and there were more stars glistening against the darkness than I have probably ever seen before. As I looked up, I felt like I was getting a glimpse of the unfathomable beauty of God. The incredible complex and breathtakingly beautiful stars, galaxies, and planets were all put into place by the God we serve. And as we look up at those stars and admire their diamond like appearances, God looks down at us and says "you're beautiful to me."

That, my friends, is truly amazing.

 3 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
moon and the stars, which You have ordained; 4 What is man that You take thought of him,
And the son of man that You care for him?

{Psalm 8:3-4}

Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Last night I had a break down. No, not a melt down where everything gets all dramatic and weepy. I had a break down, you know...the kind where you look into the mirror and ask the person staring back at you what they really want in life? Yep, that kind. Last night I had one of the most amazing discussions with myself and God - all in the proximity of my bathroom while staring into the mirror.

I have dreams like most girls do. I want to be adored, be known, befriended, eat pretzels all know, all that normal stuff. But deep down inside, there's something more. a lot more. Recently I've been wondering what my purpose in life is. What am I here for and what am I supposed to be doing? I guess it is sort of a rhetorical question since no one can really answer that except God and myself, but last night as I stared into the eyes of a girl full with hopes and dreams, I asked her what she really wanted. What was her life's goal and what was holding her back from chasing after it?

And right about then is when I had my break down.

For the first time in a while I was truly honest with myself and spilled the beans on what has been haunting me for many years. And you know what that girl in the mirror answered?
"I want to be remembered." 

Last night I realized that my biggest fear in life was dying and being forgotten. Now, that may sound silly, but allow me to explain further. Last night I also realized that my life's goal is to allow God to use me to impact others. And my fear was that I'd die without ever being able to live out my goal and  have no one to continue on that legacy. But let me make this clear: I'm not looking for fame, popularity, or money because I don't won't it. I don't want to be remembered for something mundane - I want to be remembered as someone who touched lives and challenged others to do the same.
It may not be much, but it's my dream.

I've found that when God speaks it is not usually in a huge firework type of way, but a silent whisper to the heart that hits you right to the core. As I looked into the mirror, I heard God asking me if one person would be enough. If I only impacted one person...would it be enough? And in all honestly, what I really felt was: " wouldn't."

And right about then is when I had my second breakdown.
Crying, yes. Meltdown, no.

God brought me into the center of everything I've been trying not to face and put it to me hard. I realized that if I wanted God to use me for anything, I had to be 100% ok with the fact that I could die tomorrow, have impacted one person, and never be remembered. Because no matter what, I'd be remembered by Him. And that had to be enough.

It was one of the best and worst nights of my entire life, but I'm thankful. So so thankful. My heart beating means that I've got purpose and that He's got a plan. I'm content and I can honestly say that HE IS ENOUGH for me.

So last night, as I got ready to turn off the light in the bathroom, I smiled with tears streaming down my face and whispered to the girl in the mirror, "you'll be remembered."

Monday, November 28, 2011

no turning back.

More and more I am realizing how much I need God. How much I need His love, His strength, and His grace He holds me together and quietly whispers into the depths of my heart when I feel alone. I will praise Him in the storm and thank Him when the thunder rolls, because I know that He is in control. Not me. I don't ever want it to be me. He is my ever present refuge when I don't have a place to stand.

I can't get over His love. It truly amazes me.
I'm so weak, unloveable, and imperfect, yet He still calls me His child.
I don't understand, but I am thankful.
I never want to let go of God. I want Him to be my everything.

Please, Lord, show me how.
"If none go with me, I still will follow.
No turning back. no turning back."
1 O LORD, You are my God; 
I will exalt You, I will give thanks to Your name; 
For You have worked wonders, 
Plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness.
2 For You have made a city into a heap, 
A fortified city into a ruin; 
A palace of strangers is a city no more, 
It will never be rebuilt. 

3 Therefore a strong people will glorify You; 
Cities of ruthless nations will revere You. 

4 For You have been a defense for the helpless, 
A defense for the needy in his distress, 
A refuge from the storm, a shade from the heat; 
For the breath of the ruthless 
Is like a rain storm against a wall.
5 Like heat in drought, You subdue the uproar of aliens; 
Like heat by the shadow of a cloud, the song of the ruthless is silenced.

 6 The LORD of hosts will prepare a lavish banquet for all peoples on this mountain; A banquet of aged wine, choice pieces with marrow, And refined, aged wine. 

7 And on this mountain He will swallow up the covering which is over all peoples,
Even the veil which is 
stretched over all nations. 

8 He will swallow up death for all time,
And the Lord 
GOD will wipe tears away from all faces,
And He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth;
For the LORD has spoken. 

9 And it will be said in that day,
“Behold, this is our God for whom we have waited that He might save us. 
This is the LORD for whom we have waited;
Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation.”

{Isaiah 25:1-9}

I've got sunshine xox

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Your Identity

Today’s society tells us that our identities are based on what we look like, talk like, and act like. As teens, we struggle with this fact because we desire to be known and accepted by others. We yearn to be loved and, if not on the right path, sometimes make harmful decisions based on that desire. Throughout our lives, we search for that ‘something’ that we think can fill us up or satisfy a temporary hunger. We idolize every materialistic object, but pass by the One who created the genius’ who invented them. We pass by the Creator of the Universe and forget that it was He who put the sun, moon, and stars into place. We pass by God because the promise of becoming completely new seems impossible to us. We’ve done so many horrible things; God could never forgive me. We think there’s a catch because everything else we bought didn’t make us any happier. But even though we may run or hide, God chases after us and finds us in our awful state. He tells us that His promise is free and that we are worth it. No catch. No pain. Just love and only love. God meets us where we are and turns us into a new creation. The old passes away and a new life begins. {2 Corinthians 5:17}

Before you come to know Jesus, your identity is what you allow others to define. The world shapes you and then spits you out when it gets tired of you. God didn’t design you to become someone else or an outcast. He created you with a plan and a purpose because He LOVES YOU. You can only find your true identity in the love of God, but you have to make that choice and believe it. When you become a new creation in Christ, the past and shame washes away forever and you are the only person who can bring it back into your future. Your identity in Christ will change you and will teach you how to see and love yourself the way God does.

With a new beginning means a new way of living. You can’t be given a new, clean shirt and then go right back and play in the mud again. Being a new creation means turning your whole life around and allowing God to be the center of it. You are also the only person who can keep you from acknowledging yourself as a new creation by putting guilt or other things in front of your relationship with God. Right now, get a piece of paper and write down something that is keeping you from seeing yourself as a beloved child of the Most High God. Whether it be a relationship, your thoughts, your past, etc. Write it down and then tear it up. Tear that horrible lie up because you ARE a new creation and God sees you worthy of His love. If you have chosen to follow God, you are a new creation and nothing, and I mean nothing, can ever take that away from you. He loves you and that will never change!

Even though we tend to focus on all of our falls, God focuses on our steps and promises to be with us every step of the way during this journey with Him. That’s a promise and its real. I’ve read a saying recently that states: ‘Anything that doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger’. Following God isn’t always going to be fun, but He promises that He’ll never allow something that He knows you can’t handle. Trials in our life teach us how to live more like a new creation and really do make us stronger in our relationship with God.
If you have realized that your identity is in something that is not defined by Christ, I challenge you to throw away and put aside those things that are weighing you down. 

Remember, God can’t hold a full hand. Let go and let Him teach you how to love the person He created you to be. You are a new creation and awesome to God.
Thank Him today and praise the God who has made you completely new!


Hey everyone and welcome to my new blog! I'm so excited to begin sharing all kinds of great stuff on here, but you may or may not hear from me much the next two weeks until after my fall semester ends. I'd love to hear from you all and would greatly appreciate it if you would spread the news about I've Got Sunshine to other bloggers and friends. Hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving!

Much love in Him,