Too many thoughts are flowing through my mind right now, and it is hard to process them all as I attempt to write this post. So many lessons, so many convictions, and so many observations - it's hard to organize it all onto a blank white page. A page that needs to be written. Not just for me, but for all of you as well.
Over the years, I've suffered through many make-n-break friendships. Frankly, more break than make. Life is hard enough when you're a young teenager looking for acceptance in this big, bad world, but always placing second hurts more than words can tell. My parents brought me up to know full well how to treat others, so in many ways it confused me that I'd be forgotten when I'd be willing to give an arm and a leg to that same person. Sure, I was a little naive, but what 13 year old isn't? It wasn't until a lot more breaks and a lot more talks with my parents that I realized what the real problem was. We honestly don't take the time to get to know other people before we cross them off the could-be-my-friend list. Ignorance towards a person's real self causes more problems than I could care to tell you. It.really.kills.
My insecurity as a teenager was enormous. It consumed me, and even to this day I have relapses. It's been hard, but through a lot of prayer and a new focus on life, the fear of what people think doesn't bother me anymore. I can't change the world, but I can change me.
The problem with today is that we don't take the time to get to know others before judging them. We only know what others tell us. Rumors. Gossip. Junk that stores up and shoots through so many hearts like a loaded pistol. Trash. absolute trash.
Guys, we have forgotten that everyone has a story. You, me, the person next door, the girl at youth group everybody talks about, that guy who stands alone in the corner, and the person who always smiles all have a story to tell. We all have a life we are living - each one trying to figure out where their place is in this world and what they can contribute to this life before they die. Everyone has fears. trials. heartache. dreams. every.single.person.
We all forget this. I forget this. And you know what's the worst thing about it? We walk past those who need us the most to make ourselves feel better. We judge to make us feel stronger. What.the.heck.are.we.doing. Ya'll, judging others does not define who they are, it defines who WE ARE. When we judge, there is no room for love. No room for truth. No room for thinking straight. Ignoring others to look cool IS NOT COOL. If the price of popularity is doing things to others you would never want done to you, then we should all want to be poor losers.
I don't ever want to give others what I suffered with for so many years. I don't ever want to be that girl.
I don't want to be a hypocrite. I don't want to judge others. Zounds, I have so many trees growing out of my own eye, I wouldn't be able to see let alone try and poke somebody else with my own problems. I don't want to be an insecurity giver. I want to be a love-spiller-over. I know that everyone is not going to be my friend, but I want to make it a goal to be a friend to all. Not in a friend seeker way, but in a friend giver way. I want to know people for who they are. I want to listen to the story they have to tell.
I want my actions to be my story. I want my actions to match up with my words.
I want people to want to know my story. get to see the real Lexi for who she is.
I'm not expecting great things from others, but I'm starting to expect more from myself because I know what God expects of me.
I may never be realized for all that I am during this lifetime, but for now, I've got my God-given story to tell and for as long as I have, I'm going to make sure I tell it right.