Nude Pumps + Determination

We stood in the center of a Target shoe aisle with boxes upon boxes strewn across the fuzzy brown carpet. I opened and closed a few more boxes, and looked at my mom who shrugged her shoulders and moved onto the next aisle. I anxiously shuffled my feet and gave those stacked shelves a good long stare (as if the shoes I was looking for would magically appear) before following after her.
After cleaning up those boxes, of course.

I was on a search, and it wasn't going to hot if you know what I mean.You see, it all started when I incidentally spotted the mother of all shoes. The perfect pair. The shoes that you admire online and when you see them in real life, it all goes in slow motion and you think, "Wow, these actually exist?"

A little dramatic, but girls, you get my point. Simple and plain, but something that could go with anything - nude pumps.

The problem? Everybody else in Virginia seemed to have suffered the same "wow" affect because my size wasn't there. All that was left were size 11's and heels with snake-skin design. Attractive, right?
First World problem, I know.

Now, before you get all "you're blogging about...shoes?!" on me, let me assure you that I am absolutely not that obnoxious and have a point to this post. Chillax people.

While my mom was looking at some stuff in the neighboring aisle, I decided to go back and look again for those shoes. Because honestly...they were really really cute shoes and I was determined to find them. Thank goodness nobody else was in the aisle with me because I literally took apart every.single.box. in that shoe's vicinity. And I kid you not, the last box on the shelf (a snake-skin design shoe box no less) contained those nude pumps in my exact size. Total win win.

And now the moral to this story:

My search for those shoes (which I did end up buying by the way...) got me thinking about perseverance amongst our daily struggles. Or pushing through to achieve our dreams. While shoes are not important in the scheme of things, my determination in that Target aisle showed me something about life. If I hadn't gone back and taken apart that shelf to find what I wanted, I would have never found those shoes. I would have simply stood in the neighboring aisle with my mom while those hiding shoes laid undiscovered in that snake-skinned shoe box - all because I hadn't pushed through. With shoes the example sounds pretty silly, but what if I were talking about a dream, a relationship, or an opportunity that was just waiting for you to push through with? Like those shoes in the wrong box, what we want isn't always so obvious or easy to find. Sometimes blessings in disguise are cloaked in the most unthinkable circumstances. Not everything is as it seems, and sometimes you gotta dive in and get dirty to achieve what you want.

People pray for God to "help them" with so many things, yet they don't make any move to become what they prayed for. God will absolutely help you in whatever you ask of Him, but you have to make the first move. God isn't going to make you love your family or stop sinning if you yourself aren't moving towards change. You have to actively start making loving choices for God to help you with it. You have to actively stop doing whatever you're doing for God to help you overcome it. If you're not working for what you prayed for, it's not going to happen.

Determination and perseverance are two qualities that I believe our generation is starting to lack. It seems like we all want the good life to be handed to us on a silver platter with tea and cookies, but that's simply not the way it works. If you have a dream, chase after it. If you want a close relationship with God, than seek after Him. If you want a better job, work your butt off at the one you have now so you can be ready for that better one.

And if you want a perfect pair of nude pumps, then by golly you get out there and find them.

Fearless

For the past few weeks, I've opened up a "new post" page numerous times only to close it minutes later. I can't stand staring at a blank white screen trying to wait for something to hit me in the face. Something powerful; inspiring. I just guess it's hard to write when you don't have much to say.

Or maybe I simply have so much to say that I can't put it into words. These past couple of months I've experienced a major jolt spiritually, and while this jolt is leading me in the right direction, it hasn't been easy. No m'am. God isn't who I thought He was. He isn't what I wanted Him to be; He is who He is and He isn't going to change. It's me who needed to change. To wake up and stop making my relationship with God about me - because that's exactly what I was doing. I was focusing more on the gain than the giving.

When this "jolt" began, I dug in my heels and called it quits. All that "You lead, I'll follow" stuff? Yeah, I pretty much threw that out the window. I honestly thought God went bonkers. "You want me to go where and do what?! Well, that's real dandy...but that isn't what I had in mind. So, if You'd simply turn around and take another route, I'd be much obliged."

Mhhm. It wasn't pretty.

Long story short, I finally waved that white flag of defeat and headed into that unknown place. It's been amazing and incredibly hard - a daily battle between my wants and where God's pointing. There are days when I just want to melt away because it all seems so crazy. So so crazy. Something doesn't make sense and another fight begins. A frail prayer uttered and a blessing in disguise suddenly appears. Late night talks with friends. Texts with Bible verses. The list goes on and on.

I don't want to live that comfortable life anymore. I want to run into this life full force and find meaning in all of this. Sure, I'm going to stumble and fall sometimes, but what if I stumble upon something incredible? If I simply sit on my couch of comfort, I'll never find out.

I'm not here to impress, because I care more about the One whose watching me than what others might think. Yeah, I'm different. I'm different because I'm choosing to live each day to the fullest for God instead of wasting away my college years to be cool. Hate to break it to you, but cool isn't going to get you what you want. College can either make or break you, and in the next four years I want to walk away stronger. Better.

So to put it simply, I want to be fearless.
I don't want to run and hide when the road ahead looks like Death Valley.
I don't want to argue, or doubt, or complain, or let my emotions rule me.
I want to live boldly. Passionately. Making Him my first priority for everything.
This jolt will not stand in my way. I will let it make me, not break me.
I'm going to keep running full force.
I'm going to be fearless.